I am honoured to lead a men’s community, IceBreakers Brighton. It exists because men need spaces to reflect, connect, and reset—helping us become better fathers, sons, brothers, partners, uncles, lovers, business partners, and friends.

There are deep conversations happening in these spaces—on the beach, in sharing circles, at dads-and-kids events—where men are confronting emotions, trauma, and challenges. They are learning to feel, express, and talk. But after two years in these spaces, I’ve noticed a glaring omission: too much internal reflection and not enough discussion about allyship.

Painful examples of this come when I see my female friends actively discussing crucial issues like the Gisele Pelicot rape trial or the 70,000 men on a Telegram rape group in Germany—while in men’s spaces, an eerie silence. Why, in places where men are doing “the work,” is there little conversation about the struggles of others—particularly women?

Here’s what I’ve unearthed so far:

• Discomfort & Avoidance – Many men feel uneasy discussing sexual violence, fearing it may implicate them or lead to difficult conversations about masculinity and complicity.
   
• Gendered Framing – Sexual violence is often framed as a “women’s issue,” making men feel it’s not their place to engage unless directly involved.
   
• Fear of Backlash – Some men worry that speaking up—whether in support or critique—could invite scrutiny, misinterpretation, or accusations of virtue signaling.
   
• Social Conditioning – Men are often raised to avoid emotional or vulnerable topics, leading to silence on issues that require empathy, reflection, and deep conversation.

If these barriers exist, how do we shift from talking in circles to standing up and looking outward? How do we support those in the world who need us? We must be part of the conversation and action, ensuring that women—and all marginalized groups—do not fight alone.